You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
