We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
