I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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