The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
