That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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