do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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