it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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