he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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