I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
