Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You are the jesus of drinking
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
