It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
