I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
