I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
did i just pee glitter
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize