my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
