Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She's the barista slut.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
