whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
