I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
