R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize