once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize