We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
