I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
