I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
