I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
