on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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