his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
