Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
