He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
