God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
