never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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