You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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