Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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