you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
