he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
