That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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