had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
