What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
