my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
