the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
