Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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