so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
