Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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