Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
