What a fucking waste of an outfit
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
