We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize