He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
