so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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