I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
