either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
