God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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