I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
