i wish my penis had a tongue
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Randomize
