What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
