if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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