Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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