I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize