i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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