I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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