Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
