Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
