can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize