I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
