he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
