my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
