gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
