Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
