I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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