I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I wish they made helmets for livers.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
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