Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
