I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
