my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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