I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Hippo gnu deer
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
