Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
