There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
