We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
