Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
