I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize