I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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