the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
