Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
