508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
