Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
