I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
wow bdsm is so cute
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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