I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I have post one night stand depression
We smell like vodka and hangover
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