i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
