this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My feet surprised me
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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