I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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