there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
