Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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