i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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