I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
