Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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