I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Randomize
