is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
