Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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