THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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