Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Boobs speak an international language.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Randomize
