May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
