You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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