yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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