Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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