So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
