Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize