Nicole vs. Life
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
