When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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