I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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