Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Still dying that you shit outside
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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