im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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