She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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