I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
