He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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