I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize