I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
