He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
