i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
