my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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