We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize