At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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